My grandma used to cook turkey bacon every morning and stuff it into pitas with scrambled eggs. I, of course, refused to eat them every morning. No matter though, she'd just wrap whatever we didn't eat and stick it in the fridge for us to eat later, I guess? Except, we never did, and the fridge was always filled with half-eaten pita pockets stuffed with shitty bacon and overcooked eggs.
Later in life, as I really embraced my shameless love of bacon, my mom finally clued me in to the fact that the bacon I hated so much as a child was not, in fact, bacon. Then I felt much better about my life choices.
And what is it even made of anyhow? Is the "meat" part the dark meat and the "fat" part the white meat? And if you have to shape something so meticulously so that, upon cooking, it will eventually remotely resemble the real food which it is trying to ape, IT SHOULD NOT EXIST.
I know that people want to eat bacon, and maybe they have religious or health-related dietary restrictions, but come on, it's not like anyone is really fooling themselves into thinking that they're actually eating bacon, or something remotely resembling bacon. Right?
Perhaps the only good part about turkey bacon is the Wikipedia entry, specifically this quote: "[Turkey Bacon] has a texture that can range from that of Canadian bacon to Beggin' Strips.[1]" I guess my real question, is how does whatever academic who contributed to this entry actually know what Beggin' Strips taste like? And how does anyone think that that would at all make turkey bacon seem remotely appetizing? I know that I like my food to resemble freeze-dried dog treats in texture.
Turkey bacoooooooonnnnn! :(
4 comments:
In a drunk moment (very drunk), I once ate a beggin' strip. And I'll tell you something - it tasted far better than turkey bacon.
I couldn't agree with you more, and I love this post. Turkey bacon is the work of the Devil. And soy bacon is the work of his brother.
Happy Thanksgiving.
i think your readers want you to eat a beggin' strip. and by readers i mean me.
i can tolerate turkey bacon on a homemade blt, but otherwise it is an unacceptable bacon doppleganger.
@Phil: Soy bacon?? Oh god. I don't even want to know what devil chemicals go into making that resemble delicious, juicy, fatty meat.
Also, now I have to eat a beggin' strip. SoCo and lime shots first wooooooooooooo!
I concur, turkey bacon is thedevils handiwork and is almost enough to make me believe in the dark one. Whomeve can up with such an isidious product should be hung slows ly byt their scrotum (as it was undoubtedly a male of the species) and held in said position until said scrotum rots and drops the inventor on his head from a great height.
After that ou may not feel that I have much of an opinion on the stucc so I must say that is mylighter side when it comes to processed food. My real dark said came out the day I heard that someone somewhere was working to roduce a less that full fat blue cheese. Now on thisperson I would rather eciscerate thisperson while awake and consume their undeserving internal organs as this insidious person watched. Nothing in my mind could be more evil that the attempt to develop a reduced and dare I even contemplate a non-fat blue cheese product. I would gladly eat the cured guanciale made from the cheeks of said "inventor" were I given the chance; perhaps fried with a bit or corn and chile.
That is if I were to actually have an opinion on the subject. :)
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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